What To Do if Your Boyfriend Only Talks About Himself?

Are you feeling like you’re in the shadow of your relationship because your boyfriend always talks about himself? It’s a common issue that can make you feel less important and unheard. A relationship should be about sharing, understanding, and valuing each other’s experiences and feelings.

If it feels like the conversation is always one sided, it’s time to look for solutions to bring balance back.

Here’s What You Should Do If Your Boyfriend Only Talks About Himself

Reflect on the pattern

Noticing if your boyfriend talks about himself a lot is important. Is it just now and then, or all the time? People sometimes focus more on their own stuff, especially if stressed or excited about something big. This doesn’t mean they don’t care about others, but maybe for a while, their own issues or happy news take up most of their thoughts.

Understanding whether it’s just for a bit or always like this is key. If it’s just for now, it might get better on its own as stress goes away or the exciting thing becomes normal. But, if it’s all the time, it might be a bigger issue in your relationship where your stories and feelings aren’t getting attention.

Noticing this pattern helps you know how to talk about it. If it’s always happening, finding ways to make talking more even becomes really important. You want a relationship where both people feel heard and important, not just one.

Communicate your feelings

Talking about how you feel is very important. Find a quiet time when both of you can listen without other stuff getting in the way. Talk about your feelings without making it seem like you’re blaming him. Say things like “I feel left out when we only talk about your day. I’d like us to share more about both our lives.”

This talk isn’t about blaming but sharing how you feel and what you hope for together. It’s about making a space where both can talk openly and understand each other better. The aim is to make your connection stronger by making sure both partners feel seen and heard.

When you share how you feel, it lets your boyfriend see things from your side. It’s a chance for him to understand how what he does affects you. This openness can lead to a deeper connection and mutual respect, making both feel valued and important.

Listen to his response

After you share your feelings, let your boyfriend explain his side. He might have reasons for focusing on himself that you didn’t know. Listening to what he has to say can help you understand him better and show you care about his feelings too.

This step is about really listening, not just waiting to talk. It’s trying to understand where he’s coming from. This can help both of you learn more about each other’s needs and how to support each other better.

Understanding his reasons can also give ideas on how to move forward. Maybe he needs more support in some areas, or perhaps stuff is happening in his life he hadn’t shared before. This talk can open new ways to connect and support each other, making your relationship stronger.

Seek balance in conversation

A good relationship has give and take. Suggest a way of talking that lets both share about your lives and interests. You might set specific times to talk about each other’s days or use prompts to encourage sharing.

This helps make sure both get a chance to be heard. It’s about making a balanced space where both feel their stories and feelings are important. This balance makes talking more interesting for both, making your bond stronger.

Encouraging a balanced talk shows you value each other’s experiences the same. It’s a way to get closer by learning more about each other’s lives outside the relationship. This mutual interest and respect are what make a strong, healthy partnership.

Lead by example

Showing how it’s done can sometimes be the best way to encourage change. Start by sharing your experiences and feelings openly. Make sure to ask him about his day and feelings, showing real interest. This can inspire him to do the same.

By leading with your actions, you’re not just telling him what you’d like to see change; you’re showing him. This can be more effective than just words. It shows the kind of communication you value and want in your relationship.

Your actions can help your boyfriend think about his own behavior and see the benefits of a more even exchange. It’s a gentle way to guide the relationship towards more sharing and understanding.

Set boundaries

If talking and leading with actions don’t lead to change, you might need to set clearer rules. It’s okay to nicely interrupt and change the topic to something you want to share. Saying something like, “That’s interesting, but I really wanted to share something from my day too.”

Setting boundaries is about making sure your need to be heard is met. It shows that while you care about his stories, you also value your own. Clear talk about these boundaries can help change the way you talk to a more balanced and respectful conversation.

This step isn’t about fighting but about saying what you need in the relationship. It’s necessary for building a partnership where both feel equally valued and heard.

Assess the relationship

After trying these steps, it’s good to look at the whole relationship. If your boyfriend keeps focusing only on himself despite your efforts, you might need to think about if this is the right relationship for you.

A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and interest in each other’s lives. If these aren’t there, it’s worth thinking about if the relationship is right for you. This is about making sure you’re in a partnership that makes you feel valued and happy.

This doesn’t mean quitting at the first sign of trouble, but it does mean knowing what you need and your worth. Sometimes, the best choice for your happiness and well-being is to move on from relationships that don’t meet your needs.

Counseling or therapy

If the issue stays but the relationship is still important to both of you, suggesting couples counseling might be a good next step. A professional can offer a neutral place to talk about issues and give tools and strategies to improve how you talk and understand each other.

Counseling can help both understand each other’s views better and work through stuff that might be hard to tackle alone. It’s a commitment to work on the relationship and shows you’re both willing to try to make things better.

It can be really helpful for couples who want to grow together and have a stronger bond.


1. What can I do if my boyfriend doesn’t realize he’s only talking about himself?
Start by gently bringing it to his attention. Share your feelings using “I” statements to avoid making him defensive. For example, say something like, “I feel a bit left out of our conversations and would love to share more about what’s happening with me as well.”

2. How can I encourage my boyfriend to be more interested in my life?
Encourage a two-way conversation by asking each other open-ended questions about your day, feelings, and interests. Leading by example, such as showing genuine interest in his day and sharing your own experiences, can also prompt him to do the same.

3. Is it normal for someone to talk mostly about themselves?
It’s not uncommon, especially in times of stress or excitement. However, consistent behavior over time, without showing interest in others, can be problematic in maintaining a balanced and healthy relationship.

4. What should I do if there’s no improvement after I’ve communicated my feelings?
If you’ve tried expressing your feelings, setting boundaries, and seeking a balance but see no change, it might be time to reassess the relationship. Consider if the dynamic is what you want long-term. If the issue is significant and the relationship is important to both of you, seeking couples counseling could be a beneficial next step.

Leave a Comment