It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber. Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's talk about you." She breathed a sigh of relief. He went on, "What do you think about me?"

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One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica, I just don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?" "Oh, my God!" her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress". "What should I do?" asked Gloria. Her friend quickly replied, "Wear an old dress."

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A lady, desperate for companionship took out an ad in the local paper. It read: "I need a man who won't beat me up...won't run away with other women, but he's gotta be great in bed". The next day the doorbell rang, and she found a quadriplegic on her doorstep. "You have no arms" she said... he answered: "I won't beat you" "you have no legs" she protested... he said "I won't run away with other women!" Embarrassed she inquired: "How can you be great in bed?" His answer: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

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The year was 1959 and college boy Mike went to pick up Cathy, his date for the evening. While Cathy was getting ready, her father was asking Mike about his plans for the evening. "We'll probably go to a soda shop or a movie," said Mike. Her father calmly replied: "Why don't the pair of you go out and screw?" Mike was taken aback by the suggestion. "You think we should go out and screw?" he queried. "Absolutely," said the father. "After all, you're only young once. And I know how Cathy loves to screw. She'd screw all night if we let her." Mike was lost for words, but reckoned it was going to be a date to remember. Shortly afterwards, Cathy appeared and off they went. Her father sat back to watch the TV but 20 minutes later, the door burst open and Cathy ran in, sobbing. "Dammit, Daddy!" she screamed. "It's called the twist!"

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A girl went over to her friend and said: "I hear you broke off your engagement to Rob? Why?" "It's just that my feelings towards him aren't the same any more." "Are you returning his ring?" "No way! My feelings towards the ring haven't changed a bit!"

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I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me again." I'm thinking: "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"